The other day I was talking to someone about family and I shared about my wife being pregnant with twins. I then told this person that I also had an adopted daughter (it isn’t official yet, but sometimes I say adopted already). When I said adopted this person responded with, “That’s ok,” in an apologetic tone of regret, referring to the fact that she wasn’t my biological child.
That’s ok?!!?
I almost slapped the taste out of his mouth.
Let me clear something up for everyone. When I say my daughter is adopted I AM BRAGGING. If I tell you that she is a foster child, I am telling you something amazing about her.
I am unbelievably proud of the fact that she is going to be my adopted daughter. Basically any two knuckleheads can accidentally have a child. Rick Warren is correct in his assertion that there are no accidental children, only accidental parents. Having a child is pretty simple. Being born doesn’t necessarily mean a child is planned or wanted. But if you go to the work of adopting a child from the foster care system, that child is wanted.
There is an adopted comedian who jokes about how he tells his non-adopted brother that his parents had him on accident after drinking too much alcohol one night. They didn’t really want him. But that for his parents to go through all the paperwork and trouble of adopting him, he himself had to really be loved.
At this point most of you know the story about how our adoption journey started, but obviously some people still don’t. Over Christmas we were asked by someone who didn’t yet know our story if we had trouble getting pregnant and that is why we decided to adopt. I HATE that question. I am quick to correct it and tell our story. Adoption was never a backup plan for us. We started adoption classes two months after we got married. We were always going to adopt. And I HATE when people insinuate that adoptive children are plan B for people who have no other option.
I understand that some people don’t mean bad when they say stuff like that. I also understand the stigma out there for foster children. I understand the doubts and fears adoptive kids have to deal with their whole life.
But I’m tired of it.
It isn’t fair to children who got dealt crappy parents and had no choice in the matter. Honestly, there are plenty of crappy parents out there whose kids have the same blood type they do.
Adoption is an amazing thing! God is a big fan of adoption. The Bible says Christians are “fully adopted as God’s own children.”* The Bible also says that “all who are led by the spirit of God are the Children of God,” and ” the spirit you received brought about your adoption.”** And in case you don’t realize this, Jesus himself was adopted by his earthly father, Joseph.
Adoption is God’s heart.
And it is high time we start acting accordingly. It is time that we leave our old ideas of a family only being made up of people who are blood related. It’s time we leave our preconceived notions about the value of a foster and/or adopted child. Which of us would be who we are without the chance at life our parents offered us? Which of us have the right to judge a child who wasn’t given that same chance? Which of us should look down at a child just because they have different DNA than their parents? Adoptive children are specifically chosen and should be loved accordingly.
Adoption is one of the most wonderful things in the world.
It’s time to start changing the attitude of our culture towards adoption and fostering, before I have to start slapping the taste out of some mouths.
*Gal 4:5 msg
**Rom 8:14,16 niv
